If you are reading this, I suspect it's safe to assume you are a literate English speaker. Given this fact about you, it would be reasonable to say that you have some sort of knowledge about the English language in terms of grammar and structure. As an English major, I feel particularly keyed into the idiosyncrasies of our language, and find poor grammar particularly harsh on my ears.
However, my rant for today has less to do with grammar and more to do with outright lying. At the moment, my particularly favorite pet peeve is the misuse of the word "literally." In proper contexts, "literally" is used when something actually happens. You can only say, "It was literally raining cats and dogs" when cats and dogs are actually falling from the sky as rain does. "Literally" gets most of its use in situations similar to this example. Well meaning patrons of the literal store use the word to emphasize their point, but end up gently removing the validity from their statement.
At this point, I'd like to mention a rather humorous web log devoted to the misuse of our favorite little word. "
Literally, A Web Log" notes glaring misuses and often visually displays what a true literal situation would be. Such classics as "literally coughing his head off" and "could literally go on forever" are among the many great examples of our society's misuse of language.
Alas, instead of passively watching our grammar go to waste, I have resorted to several methods in an effort to fix this problem. The first is to insert a very sarcastic "literally" whenever anyone uses it, correctly or incorrectly. This is often followed by the entire phrase repeated again, emphasizing each word. The purpose is to make its use as annoying as possible, hopefully to the point where people start phasing it out of their daily lexicon. Sort of what "gnarly" did by itself.
My second method, an extrapolation on the first, basically consists of inserting the sarcastic form whenever it's appropriate, regardless of its prior use by another. Much to the dismay of most of my friends, this is rather common. The hope here is once again that people will stop their deceitful ways and start respecting the valid definition of the word.
My third method—and by far my favorite—is instead of fixing other people's wrong, I merely introduce a new one. I intentionally abuse the word "figuratively" in a similar manner most people do "literally." Add a real sarcastic tone and it really starts to confuse people. For example, "That class was packed. There were figuratively fifty people there. Figuratively. Fifty. People."
It's at this point a friend responds, noting that there were in fact fifty people in the class and that he doesn't understand why you're emphasizing the figurative aspect of it. But that's the joy of it. It makes just as much sense as misusing "literally," but rarely are people confused when that happens.
To our language as a living entity, there is little one college student can do to counteract such a major error. Yet with enough force and impetus, I feel I can make a difference. This is how I help the world, one grammar mistake at a time.
