When I went to the grocery store today, I noticed they had the usual random shopping carts filled with assorted goods placed throughout the store. Not the kind casually placed there by a shopper too lazy to steer the cart over to the vegetables, but the kind strategically placed next to the meat island, full of non-perishable goods. I usually find these carts sitting around, but I've never been bold enough to actually shop through them, just in case it was someone's cart. It's sort of my motto for life: "When in doubt, make wild assumptions."
Today, I decided to construct the person to whom that shopping cart belonged. At first, it seemed kind of silly, but then I realized that most items in anyone's shopping cart could be construed as silly. Then it occurred to me: Why would anyone go to the grocery store solely to shop for items more commonly found at a drug store? Especially since there was one next door. The moral dilemma over, I decided to make fun of my theoretically fictitious shopper. The following is a narrative I am composing entirely on the spot:
Sammy Parks, a recent widower, lost his wife, car keys, and moral judgment in a freak boating accident. With his life finally reaching a stasis, he decided to take his two adopted Chinese children on a camping trip. Stocking up for the trip, he took the kids to the local grocery store (yes, shopping is a moral decision).
Actually, that ended up being kind of lame. Forget I ever wrote that.
Anyway, I felt the shopping cart was ridiculous. Among the things I can remember were a heavily discounted air mattress inflator, a giant bag of Tostitos, water balloons, and paint. Paint? Sammy, did you seriously buy paint at a grocery store? I didn't even know they sold the stuff.
Author's Note: Sorry about the lame post, guys. Give me a break. I come from a
special family.
